Royal Holloway Chinese Society Calender now available !!!!!
Have your own copy of all of the hunky lads from our successful (er ?!?!!) football team. For a limited time, the team will be holding a press conference and will sign copies of the calenders.

The second edition of this valentines weekend special newsletter reports on RHUL captain james wong.
The stylish former porn star captain offered his car to take his team mates out to london after the exit of the ULU cup.

To the surprise of his players in his super tuned up citroen saxo, captain marvel drove down a way one road in london going in the wrong direction. he was driving towards a toyota supra before the driver flashed his headlights a few times at wong. wong’s words at the time was ‘oh shit’ whereas pat lam was ‘isnt this a one way street?’. pat lam showed his lightning speed of his brain at that point. to make matters worse, captain supreme found it difficult to parallel park in a simple parking space and ended up crashing into the number plate of the volkswagen behind.

To which wong again said ‘oh shit’ and pat lam quotes ‘i think u hit his car james’. alex chan at the time was still day-dreaming about his 3948028402938 dribbles during the ULU cup and had no idea what was going on. to the end the evening, wong nearly hit a cyclist, ran over a pedestrian crossing over a zebre crossing and was pulled over by the police for playing ‘boyzone’ songs at full volume.

ULU football association has decided not to punish the RHUL captain as they accepted his excuse that boyzone was pat lam’s favourite band. pat lams agent has yet to release a statement.

For more news check out sky sports news

On sunday 13th february queen mary’s held the annual ULU cup in london. it was a warm distraction for the RHUL team as the team has failed to register a single victory in the league which left them 3rd from bottom of the table.

RHUL were represented by 2 squads of 6, as this immediately increased RHUL’s chances of doing well in the competition. with william hill making either RHUL teams 80-1, it seemed the public didnt have faith on the holloway boys to lift the cup. and they were right. with RHUL scheduled to open the competition in the opening match, nerves were high and adrenaline rushing as RHUL fought to a respectable 1-1 draw. RHUL ‘a’ team didnt have the same fortunes in their game with a sluggish 3-0 defeat, and was not helped with the first goal gifted to the opposition by Bosco’s careless clearance. Geoff Mok’s understudy has again lived up to his title of ‘clamity’.
RHUL ‘b’ were soon on again, and wished they never went on. a disappointing 3-1 defeat left the team starring at the exit doors of the competition already. shouts of ‘taxi for royal holloway’ were beginning to be heard. it was a game pat lam wished to forget as costly errors made by the player gifted 2 goals away. regards to lam’s eligibility to compete in the competition was raised as one fan asked him for his autograph in catonese and lam just looked at the 6yr old girl in a weird way. it was soon confirmed lam wasnt 100% chinese and was from maureen. however since there was an indian playing the competition, lam was allowed to continue in the next game.

Captain James Wong blamed the defeat on the distraction of that mixed-race girl supporting QM wearing that black jacket and tight top. as both RHUL teams have failed so far to post a victory under their belts, drastic measures were taken by the captain. he ordered his players to go to co-op and buy sandwiches. this proved to be a bold move. the dodgy chicken salad sandwich and the iffy orange juice (still being tested at the world anti doping agency WADA) seemed to have boosted the teams morale. RHUL recorded a convincing 2-1 victory over local rivals Richmond. it was a game remembered for many reasons, most notably alex chans 3894728947982347983 dribbles in the last minute of the game and alex chans two glorious goals and alex chan alex chan alex chan etc he’s just amazing. however they had to wait anxiously for the results of the other group B game to see whether they have reached the quarter finals.

RHUL ‘a’ team however lost both their remainding games and went home to eat chow mein. Bosco went home to have a cold shower after another dismal performance. Brad kit went home realising he hadnt had sex all day, so he went for a quicky. in the quarter finals RHUL were to meet QM. if RHUL won, it would have ensured that at least a chinese hand will win the cup since they had that indian who spoke chinese on their team named Singh. the game was hard fought. both teams struggled with their passing and movement. outstanding saves from both keepers kept the crowd cheering. however two contraversial decisions by dickless referee resulted in QM scoring inside the area and a penalty converted by Singh.

It was utterly disappointing to lose to such cheats but RHUL were proud. 4 goals by alex chan made him joint top scorer with Singh in the competition. RHUL team then went to china town and had a nice meal with their one and only loyal supporter, Erica. We thank her for her support and loyalty, and would like to know if that buff mix-raced girl from QM could get in contact with me soon too.

Keep up to date with RHUL CS news on teletext 555

In the early hours of morning a member of the ulu league strugglers RHUL was caught leaving a brothel in the area of Chertsey. The club member in question will be named for a jokes sake, it was the strecthy keeper Geoff, who seems he does not feel enough balls in training. He was caught entering the sleazy establishment between the hours of 03:34am - 03:43am, he was quick to come in terms of realising he was being followed by the media. He then fled to the local train station to await the 06:00 train to the high rise of Egham where most of the RHUL football team reside. On arrival at Egham he was then picked up by an accomplice who is believed to be Pat, they then sped off in a metro and have been unseen from then. It is unlikely the club chairman, Andy Lo will bring about any action, but Geoff should be expecting national embarassment.

24hours after the defeat to imperial college, rhul cs football team were disappointed at the manner of the defeat to their london rivals. None more so than club captain james wong.
The former tottenham trainee failed in a bid to switch clubs during the transfer window and will play for rhul for the remainder of the season. There were reports of wong’s agent meeting with kingston, but that was just a joke. in his bitter disgust, the captain turned to alcohol.

We’ve had captain planet, captain scarlet and now we have captain drunk. on a merry night out at the student union, in celebration of the chinese new year on wednesday (year of the cock), the rhul team turned up in their flashy cars and suits in support of the local asian community with donations going towards the tsunami disaster. Within a few moments of arrival, james wong immediately hit the bottle with a strong glass of lemonade.

Once he got the taste in his mouth, he couldnt stop. wong became drunk quickly and began singing to the oasis song by himself. One witness was quoted saying “he’s wasted’. Everyone was shocked to see the captain in such a state, and as the evening came to a close, wong refused to accept he was over the driving limit.

Rhul left back (in the changing room) jon voo stepped in. but as wong wondered back home he stumbled down an alley way where he saw pat and helgar schwarzeneggar. Witness reports suggest wong joined in with the erotic activities and repeatively shouting ‘who’s the captain bitch’. After such allegations, wong was reported to the ULU football association where he has been fined a packet of crisps, a mars bar and voucher to attend ‘tony adams drinking problem clinic’ in west london. In the period of hours, wong became from hero to zero.

He has fallen quicker than reyes in the box. Wong’s future hangs in the balance now, but summer signing Patrick has offered his sympathy for his captain as he has first hand experience of a addictive problem…shemale shagging addiction (SSA).

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